The GREAT Weight Debate

The subject matter behind this blog is rather personal, I wasn't sure if I would ever want to publish it. It was exhausting having to think about my body weight and the negative comments that came with it and it’s a rather contentious issue amongst people, anyway..so here I go..

The Online Comments That Inspired This Blog. Comments Used With Permission From The Page Owner.

So why publish a blog on people's weight? Well firstly it wasn’t something about myself that inspired this blog, it was something bad happening online to someone who I know, where her weight was used as an attempt to attack her. She reached out to me and quite simply, I had had enough of people using weight as a way of attacking a person. The way that I see it is that if your discussions online lead you to attack a person’s weight, or how they look, or anything else personal, then perhaps the point that you are trying to explain/defend is useless.

My point here being that I support healthy debates, you don’t even need to agree with me, but stick to your point, no name calling or personal attacks. That’s just reaching for short straws in a desperate attempt to stay “in the game”-Game Over!

In a previous position where I worked, we had a Manager's conference interstate and the second in charge was welcoming all of us to day one with a hug and quick chat. My chat however was something else, something that shook me. “Hi King, you look sick, are you ok? Are you eating?”…Umm yes I was eating, I looked fine, I was shocked, I didn’t know what to say so I nodded and smiled.

As the clock ticked away, the greeting from earlier that day wouldn't leave my mind, I couldn’t concentrate on the conference that was happening around me. I asked a colleague if I looked ok, she said yes and not to worry about it, “she’s just having a bad day or something”. Even more humiliating for me to have had this morning’s “greeting” in front of all of the other managers when we were grouped together fresh out of the taxi’s from the airport. I couldn’t let it go because if it wasn’t true, that I looked as bad as she had suggested, then what was the truth? My colleague suggested that I speak to our boss later if I felt that I needed to. I prefer to go to the source of a problem, rather than creating potentially more problems, so I did just that.

During our break time, I approached 'Miss Congeniality'. “I just wanted to ask you about this morning when you asked if I was ok and you said that I look like I am sick. That really stuck in my mind. I think that I look fine, I am fine, why would you ask that?” I asked tentatively. “Fine then, I will never ask you how you are ever again!” she replied. “Don’t be like that, of course I like that you checked in on me, however you should have done it just like that, asked how I was, rather than declaring in front of everyone else that I look sick and then asking me if I am eating. Asking how I am is ok” I felt better about clearing the air. However something didn’t feel right, it was unlike her to not be mindful of what she says to others. She was hired based on her people skills. She went on to tell me how she has had problems with her weight over the years and that she was overweight and bullied in school. “If you can’t beat the bullies, then become one? That is not right on any level” I told her. I felt fine afterwards and I never brought it up with my boss, I had dealt with it, I shouldn’t have had to deal with it in the first place, but this was not the first nor was it the last time that my weight was brought up in a conversation. 

Perhaps I Had Worms? Can't Put Any Extra Weight On.
My Mum Had Me Tested.

Coming from a Serbian background, Australian born, food is something that dominates family discussions and it takes up most of our day with slow cooking. Mature European men and women from back in the day, tend to be on the portly side with health complaints to match. On the other hand, I am tall and slim. Like my grandfather. My mother has put weight on over the years, whilst I have pretty much stayed the same weight, but I have grown in height. Feeding me and asking for my level of satisfaction from the food that she cooked, is something that can truly make my mum's day, although why I was not putting on weight from these banquets remained a true puzzle to her. This led to mum over using chocolate worming tablets (just in case I had worms internally who were gaining weight on my behalf) was something that mum did on a regular basis and getting me tested in other ways like my thyroid gland, surely it was overactive? To the point where my doctor declared that mum should stop worming me “Your son is perfectly healthy”. “Can I get that in writing?” I jokingly/seriously asked my doctor. 

How could I eat so much and not gain weight? 
Here are the key words-

↦compared to everybody else↤

Comparisons. My whole Life.

 

"We all do compare ourselves to others and that's ok. But pull yourself out a bit quicker each time, help your friends to do this too, pull them out of the trap/trappings"- From KMR Beaute Instagram Page

• I used to eat so much that I nearly threw up, hold it down, then eat more. Still no weight gain.
• I went to the gym, took it very seriously, I took the supplements, had a personal trainer, I had some nice definition on my shoulders and my legs, I hated staring at the wall or the TV screen whilst training. I still love long walks and I try to walk to or from work whenever I can. Still no weight gain.
• I asked doctors to test me for any possible reasons as to why I couldn’t put weight on. Still no weight gain.
• Basically I did everything that I could do to put on weight. Still no weight gain.

"Just how drastically the physical attributes of the "ideal man"

vary across 12 different countries". Video at KMR Beaute Youtube Channel

DON’T-

I have met people for the first time where their opening line was “Have you ever thought of eating?”. My response would vary from “I knew I forgot to do something this month” to “You wouldn’t ask an overweight person if they ever thought of not eating so much, would you? That makes common sense. Well guess what, asking me if I ever thought of eating has a similar negative effect” to “I can eat anyone under the table” although that had a sexual connotation that I didn’t want for it to carry, unlike someone saying that they could drink you under the table. Clearly I have had a lot of experience with my reply, based on the amount of times that I have been asked this question, fortunately it is becoming less frequent now.

Imagine going through all of that and not ending up with an eating disorder?
Phew lucky me..I'm lucky I guess?😩

DO-

A joke about me being a “Skinny Bitch” won’t land you in hot water. I’m skinny. I’m a bitch (at times). Therefore we are cool. Asking me not to joke about your weight when you frequently self deprecate by joking about your own weight frequently and then to have you change the rules when you don’t want to joke about your weight, is not cool. Make a decision on how you like to see yourself and how you allow others to treat you and then stick to it. I know it’s hard with all of the external influences, but it’s worth it.

Be this!

Someone I know asked me not to joke about their weight for a week, stating that I did it too much. I agreed, but under one condition “You aren’t allowed to joke about your own weight or put yourself down during that period either”. “Ohh, that’s going to be really hard” they replied. What I meant was that they instigate comments on their weight and change that when it suits them. This in turn can leave others bemused when the rules change back and forth, like some people’s weight can go up and down. By the way, I actually went one month instead of one week with my bet. I bought that person flowers to celebrate, I didn’t buy them a block of chocolate to celebrate as they had requested before the bet. Counter productive don’t you think?

"I hope that she received the correct counselling before undergoing any surgery to prepare her for what can happen physically and mentally afterwards. Yes it is her money and it could be spent more wisely, but are you donating some money to charity this year? Shall we judge you too? No, I won't" -From KMR Beaute Instagram

I could say don’t worry what people think about you, be true to yourself, don’t compare yourself to others, don’t listen to other people, stop going on social media…but I won’t.

King M. Rakic

🙏 Special thanks to Saïda for her permission to use within this blog, the message that she sent me. It was my inspiration for this blog. Your strength, courage and beauty surpass what is merely physical and knows no bounds.

♔ “Fighting fire with fire prolongs the hurt and it burns more people..later it will require action on your part, a healing action”- My blog “Hurtful Healing”

♔ "I want people to put value on themselves and have a balanced sense of self if they can. If they can't, then hopefully they can find a way to be at peace with themselves and to be able to lead a good life"- My Blog "Words-Make Or Break"