The Answer To Cancer
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World Cancer Day February 4th
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Two years ago when I found out that my mother had a double mastectomy, after it had happened, I was pretty devastated. So many question still to this day left unanswered. But that's kind of ok as you get to a point where you don't need to know the how and why, but rather you search for the now and for the future.
Mum's first course of hormone therapy wasn't good, it was really bad actually. Mum had banned any talk of her cancer or how it affected me. I respect the fact that it is her body, her health, but this was different, she seemed to be more of a recluse and it was really worrying me. All that I could do was to wait for an opportunity to present itself where I could help her out. I was dying to do something, anything. After a few months, that opportunity came when mum said that she wanted to see me, yes since telling me about her operation, I had not been able to see her for a few months due to her wishes to be alone. To me, a single child, this was a long wait.
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| World Cancer Day - Cancer Facts |
Grateful, Patient, Tentative-Three words that describe how I felt when I finally got to see mum, and most importantly, give her a hug. But hugging her was different, what was it, oh yeah that's right, she had a double mastectomy, both breasts removed with the offending cancers. From a big buxom woman of the past, there was something missing.
During breakfast one day I dropped a few less than subtle comments about how I have spoken to a few people online and personally within the pharmacy where I work about their cancer journeys and how I was trying to help however I could. This was me reaching out to mum as best as I could. After some time, mum took the bait and asked me "do you want to see it?", referring to her chest minus her breasts. I calmly replied "sure". Bad idea. Very bad idea.
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| World Cancer Day - Key Issues |
In the months after mum told me of her double mastectomy, I spent time online looking for answers, which there kind of wasn't really, but on the way I found a lot of survivor stories that helped me quite a bit. In the middle of it all were the visuals of woman who have embraced their bodies after their own mastectomy's. This was good, but they weren't my mother. When I saw my mother's chest/decolletage, it was all so real, kind of like in the corner of my mind there was a hope that this was all a joke, just a cry for help which I could later forgive. But it wasn't a joke, it was oh so real, her chest was oh so flat, with the scars to prove it. I seized the opportunity by asking her "How does this make you feel?". "I don't know if I am a woman or if I am a man. I don't know who I am anymore" SHE replied. "You are my mother. You are the same person who I have always known, you are still a woman, just now without breasts". I shudder at how I simplified a rather complex situation, but I don't regret a single word that I said.
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| #WorldCancerDay #IAmAndIWill |
That all sounds well and good, but it was not easy. It took my mum a lot of courage to rise above her medication and to ask for help. Mood swings, tears, anger..isn't that just a part of cancer and grieving? Not when it is all consuming. I have experienced deep depression and my own journey with suicidal thoughts in the past, that is how I knew that this was more than just mum's reaction to her situation. Living 300 kilometers away from mum made it harder, but I did what I could to support her. I spent a lot of time picking the brains of the pharmacists and the naturopath's where I work. This was hard in itself as I was asking questions when I didn't really understand what I was actually asking. But mum's doctor stepped up and got her on the right hormone replacement the second that mum asked for it.
Today mum is well. She tells me that she still struggles a bit with her emotional balance, but I have the trusted help from a friend who is a naturopath. I am going to get mum to try some natural therapies to compliment her medication. We will see how it goes.
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| KMR Beaute 2018 Blog - World Cancer Day - February 4th |
I am grateful for the support that I have received online and in person. My blog which supported World Cancer Day last year received the most readers that I have ever received, yet I was reluctant to post anything this year. Why? Because it was personal, because I didn't want people to think that I was riding off the popularity of my previous blog, because it hurts (and brings me to tears) to type about it. So why do it? Because it helped/helps me overall and if I can help at least one person, then it is worth me writing this blog, as overdue and hard that it may be for me to publish this. It's done.
King M. Rakic
My blog from 2018: World Cancer Day-February 4th
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